Friday, January 3, 2014

Previewing The Garnet Bowl: Making Fun of Clemson and Ohio State

It has been fun watching Clemson fans and Ohio State fan trash talk each other over twitter. The trash talk tends to take this pattern:

"You are overrated, play in a joke of a conference and play a terrible schedule"- Buckeye Fan

"NO! You are overrated, play in a joke of a conference and play a terrible schedule"- Clemson Fan

For once, both fan bases are correct.

Both fan bases have so much in common that they should be fast friends. They both are truly overrated, both play in a joke of a conference and play a terrible schedule. They also have issues beating the Gamecocks. Combined, both teams have a current seven game losing streak to the Gamecocks. This truly should be called the Garnet Bowl.

The Big Ten and ACC are also true mirror images of each other. One dominates in lacrosse, the other in ice hockey, while both are awful in football.

I lived in Ohio for two years so I have a unique perspective on this game. I hate both fan bases but in Clemson's defense, I hate their fan base mainly because they are the rival of my alma mater.

When it comes to the Buckeyes I had no opinion of them or their fan base before I lived there. Two years later and I thought they were the most delusional and self righteous fan base on the planet. 

Chances are if I went to any other school I would have no hatred towards Clemson, but just living in Ohio will quickly make you hate the Buckeyes and their fans. Advantage Clemson on that front.

Both fan bases hate the SEC but do it in different ways. Clemson fans understand that the SEC is the best conference in the country and just hate the fact that their rival school is in it and they are not. Clemson fans hate the SEC more than Gamecock fans love the SEC. Proof of this was found all over twitter on New Year's Eve when Duke stormed out to an early lead on the Aggies. The twitter timelines of Clemson fans were priceless. Clemson fans would give their remaining front tooth for an invitation to the SEC. 

Buckeye fans also hate the SEC but remain in denial. At one time the Big Ten was a power conference and they can't seem to let that go. They view the SEC as a creation of the media and not really that good. They would never want to join the SEC even if the Big Ten disbanded and there was an invitation waiting for them. They feel the SEC is beneath them. This logic is what makes Buckeye fans the most unintentional comical fan base in the country. 

The Buckeye line of thinking has followed this pattern over the years:

Phase 1: We are the best program in the country and there should be a rematch with Michigan for the title game. Big Ten is dominant. Did you see that classic game with Michigan?

Phase 2: We are better than Florida and just did not execute!

Phase 3: At least we do things the right way here unlike the SEC with their thugs and their cheating. What a joke!

Phase 4: So what, it was just tattoos and who cares if Tressel lied. All programs do that!

Phase 5: Why don't these SEC teams come up to Big Ten country in November or December and play us? They are scared. It is obvious. Come play us in the cold and snow!

As I was saying, they are the most unintentional funny fan base in the country. 

Clemson logic is not much brighter. Clemson lives in the almanac when it comes to the rivalry with the Gamecocks. They actually want you to believe that the five losses in a row to the Gamecocks does not bother them at all since they have the lead in the overall series. It is especially comical when it comes from someone who is barely twenty years old.

Clemson fans also love to talk about their second BCS bowl game in three seasons and the lack of BCS bowl appearances and conference titles by the Gamecocks, the team they have not beaten since Bush was in office.

Once again, when pressed Clemson fans admit that the SEC is the best conference in football but if a Gamecock fan dares bring this up as the reason for their lack of conference titles and BCS bowl game appearances it is chalked up as "riding the coattails of the SEC" by our orange friends.

Hilarious logic considering if the BCS did not have the two team per conference limit, the Gamecocks would be in their third straight BCS bowl game this year.

The BCS is a welfare system and Clemson is that guy you hate who plays the system and thinks they have made it. They are the 25 year old with the "bad back" who is collecting a disability check from the government while working a job part time under the table and in their free time selling their prescription pain meds. Of course, the welfare system stops next season and you will actually have to earn your way into the bigger bowls. Uh oh.

Then there is the conference title argument. Clemson fans love to bring this up. Love to bring up the lack of titles for the Gamecocks. Yet the Gamecocks were not in a conference for a number of years and then joined the SEC in 1992. To win the SEC, you usually need to be the best team in the country. Of course that is just me riding the coattails of the SEC and not bringing up facts. Speaking of facts, guess how many ACC titles Clemson has since the Gamecocks have joined the SEC? 7? 5? How about 1? Yes, Clemson has one ACC title since 1992. Let me repeat that, they have one.

Now one is still more than the Gamecocks over that time but what did Clemson do in that season that they won the ACC? Well, they were beaten easily by the Gamecocks, finished with a worse record than the Gamecocks, finished behind the Gamecocks in the final rankings and oh yeah, they gave up a bowl record 70 points in the Orange Bowl to the Big East champs. Yes, that is their one conference title season that Clemson fans are so proud of since the Gamecocks stopped being an independent and joined the SEC conference. 

Over the last five years, Clemson fans seem to take pride in the academics of their school and the class of their fans. They have preached that. Reminds me of Phase 3 of Buckeye fans. Weird how that works.

Look at that Clemson "class"

The latest is how Spurrier shows a lack of class by jabbing Clemson with his barbs. They forget that Dabo started it with his famous rant that Clemson fans love to repeat every chance they get.

The title of the video says "Dabo Fires Back at Spurrier", of course the quote that was attributed to Spurrier was incorrect, it was said by Todd Ellis. It is widely known that Dabo knew this and even privately asked the reporter to ask him about the quote so he could give his well rehearsed rant.

 He was probably up practicing in front of the mirror the night before. That is all fine. He wanted to play the game with Spurrier. He wanted to poke the master after he just got done losing to him again. Nothing wrong with that. The problem now is since Dabo started it, Spurrier gets to decide when it ends. Keep waiting Clemson fans. It is far from over and Spurrier will remind you every chance he gets. Thank Dabo for that.

So tonight it is Clemson vs Ohio State. Dumb vs Dumber. Bin Laden vs Hitler. Who do you root for? Who will win? I have no idea to be honest with you. Maybe it will end in an 85-85 tie with a record for missed tackles. It is a win-win situation for me. One of them has to lose and I get to make fun of both of them. If I had to make a prediction I am leaning towards Ohio State simply based on how good Michigan State looked against Stanford. 

Prediction: Ohio State 88 Clemson 85. The game should be over by Sunday afternoon. Enjoy. 

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